tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need a burrito and a hug.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
