I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
