I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
