so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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