whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
