Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
