You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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