I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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