Sponge bath it is.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
