I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
