Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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