Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
