i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
