Jerry, you need to find god
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
