They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
