Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
