So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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