You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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