it wasn't lemon gatorade
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
