so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
