She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
