ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found the puke drawer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
