I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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