if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize