Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
