im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
