1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
