Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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