How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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