So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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