My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
