My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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