Do you still have your period?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am midnight drunk by noon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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