the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
