did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
