I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
