Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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