My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
