I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
