my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
