According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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