this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
