Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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