I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
