took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nutella sex= disaster
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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