put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
