Kiss
Puke
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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