And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
