shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
