Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
