apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
