Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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