I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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