why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
