R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
