Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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