im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
