This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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