BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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