So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
