I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
