I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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