I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
