she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
