and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
