Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
