can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
