What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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