Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
