i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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