Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
