Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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