my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
