I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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