Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
