omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
