i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
