And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
