Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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