You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
