Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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