Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
