I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
