hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
