what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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